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At First United Methodist Church we have a small contemporary worship service that averages about 20 people on a good Sunday.  In June we lost our contemporary worship leader Jim and his lovely wife, who together made up 2/3rds of the worship band.  They provided the vocals, Jim played the guitar and Joy played the keyboards.  All we had left was Rob, our dedicated drummer.  While I can sing, I cannot play the guitar or keyboards, and so we have been reduced to singing along with pre-recorded praise music.

While there is, contrary to some opinions, good praise music out there, most of the praise songs I have found come from cds that were recorded in a congregational setting.  This means that the songs are often bookended by applause and sometimes they are interrupted by the extemporaneous comments of the worship leader, which though appropriate for the setting in which they were taped,  are often an unwanted intrusion into our small, more intimate worship gathering.

But by far the worst thing about using prerecorded worship music is this:  the singers and the bands don’t know when to quit.  I cannot tell you how many times a band will take a simple worship song of a verse or two with a  refrain and then run it into the ground by singing it over and over and over and over again.  A song that ideally could be sung (sometimes 2 or 3 times) in under three minutes is drug out for six minutes or more.  All this reminds me of an anonymous email that made the rounds a few years back that tried to explain praise songs.

Praise Songs explained…

Not long ago a farmer went to the city one weekend and attended the big city church. He came home and his wife asked him how it was. “Well,” said the farmer, “It was good. They did something different, however. They sang praise choruses instead of hymns.”

“Praise choruses,” said his wife, “What are those?”

“Oh, they’re okay. They’re sort of like hymns, only different,” said the farmer.

“”Well, what’s the difference?” asked his wife.

The farmer said, “Well it’s like this – If I were to say to you:

`Martha, the cows are in the corn,’ well that would be a hymn. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

`Martha Martha, Martha, Oh, Martha, MARTHA, MARTHA,
the cows, the big cows, the brown cows, the black cows,
the white cows, the black and white cows,
the COWS, COWS, COWS are in the corn,
are in the corn, are in the corn, are in the corn,
the CORN, CORN, CORN,’

Then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well that would be a praise chorus.”

Of course traditional hymns can be misused and abused as well, and some them are of as dubious quality as the worst in praise music.  This led another now anonymous person the post the following.

Hymns explained…

A young, new Christian from the big city attended the small town church one weekend. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.

“Well,” said the young man, “It was good. They did something different, however. They sang hymns instead of regular songs.”

“Hymns,” said his wife, “What are those?”

“Oh, they’re okay. They’re sort of like regular songs, only different,” said the young man.

“Well, what’s the difference?” asked his wife.

The young man said, “Well it’s like this – If I were to say to you, `Martha, the cows are in the corn,’ well that would be a regular song. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

Oh Martha, dear Martha, hear thou my cry
Inclinest thine ear to the words of my mouth.
Turn thou thy whole wondrous ear by and by
To the righteous, inimitable, glorious truth.

For the way of the animals who can explain
There in their heads is no shadow of sense,
Hearkenest they in God’s sun or his rain
Unless from the mild, tempting corn they are fenced.

Yea those cows in glad bovine, rebellious delight,
Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed.
Then goaded by minions of darkness and night
They all my mild Chilliwack sweet corn have chewed.

So look to that bright shining day by and by,
Where all foul corruptions of earth are reborn.
Where no vicious animal makes my soul cry
And I no longer see those foul cows in the corn.

Then, if I were to do only verses one, three, and four and do a key change on the last verse, well that would be a hymn.”

I think these two emails pretty sum up the differences between praise music and traditional hymns.  And I must say that there are quality songs in either format.  My only wish is that I could find a few good praise songs to sing along with that won’t have my congregation singing until the cows come home.  Anyone know of where I get something like this?